0 Week

AF basic training is 8 1/2 weeks long. The first week is called 0 week. It's the shortest, but it may be the hardest - for both the trainees and the families they left behind.

First you get to watch them being sworn in, then you get to say goodbye. Jason didn't drag it out waving and stuff, just a hug and a kiss. As I walked toward the door I turned and saw him walking away toward the back of the building. I waved anyway and wondered where he was going...and if he had something to do or if he just didn't want to get emotional in front of us and everyone else.

Then came the drive home alone, with the baby asleep in the back, and the waiting...waiting for the phone call that tells you he made it, and the one that tells you where to send your letters. Two calls came that night. The first was from the airport saying he had arrived in San Antonio. The second was to say he was being processed and would call later with an address. It was 59 seconds long. He sounded a little rough but he had been up since 5:45am and it was now after 10pm. I prayed they would let him sleep soon. I struggled to stay awake until 1am (midnight his time) but no other calls came that night.

Although I kept a pen and paper in my pocket at all times and the phone practically glued to my hand the magic call with his address didn't come until late afternoon 2 days later. It hardly sounded like Jason - he didn't get to talk, only read a letter that started out "Hello, this is Trainee Adams calling with information on how to contact me. Please find a pen and paper quickly as my training instructor is not a patient man..." It ended with "Do Not Send Packages. Do not send packages. If you send a package my training instructor will be extremely unhappy. Do not send packages. Do not send packages. My training instructors are treating me very well. Love Jason" It sounded like a hostage letter.

I could imagine his TI standing inches from his face as he read. From the slight hesitation in his voice when I asked him to repeat things and when I tried to confirm I had it all down correctly I think he had been told to say nothing other than what was in his letter. I hope I didn't get him in trouble. My first letter was in the mail by 5:00 that evening.

Oddly, this phone call did not make me feel more relaxed. On the contrary it sparked about 4 days of extreme tension and a flood of emotions that I was not expecting. I was excited because he sounded like he was already turning into an airman - it was really happening...something we had been talking about for over a year. I felt guilty because he was there and probably miserable, and being yelled at and forced to run a lot and it was hot...and I wasn't. I was worried that he hated it and regretted the decision... I was filled with anticipation for the end of training-I couldn't wait to see what he'd be like when it was over...or what I'd be like. I was concerned about how his stomach was reacting to the food. I was sure he needed me so why wouldn't his TI let him have a real conversation?

I waited and prayed and never went ANYWHERE without my phone. I wanted the next call so I could actually talk to him and find out how he was REALLY doing. I thought it would come over the weekend. They are supposed to get one 15min. call a week and the last one should NOT have counted...but I guess it did because despite being on pins and needles all weekend - jumping at any electronic sound (or birds for that matter) - No call came.

I was tense. I had a headache. My emotions were so confused I felt like crying for no reason. I couldn't sleep. I decided I could not go through the next 8 weeks in this state. That wouldn't be any good to Jason and it certainly wasn't good for me or Lucy. So I take deep breaths. I write him letters. I sleep with my phone next to my bed. I tell myself he doesn't need to hear my voice as much as I think he does. Whenever I get too anxious I pray...or run.

Today is the first day of "Week 1". Phone calls or not, he made it through 0 week...Week 1 probably won't be much better but hopefully we'll get to talk at the end of it. At least I no longer feel like a spring wound too tight and about to snap. I'll be able to tell him about Lucy crawling, and standing, and falling, and missing him (not that I didn't already put it in a letter). I can ask him a million questions about how he is doing and what he thinks of everything. I can tell him again how proud I am to be his wife and that I know he will do amazing...even if it doesn't feel like it to him right now.

...At least, I will do all that if the next phone call really comes....and if he is really allowed to talk to me. If not, I won't fall apart...I'll just keep praying and running, taking care of Lucy, and other details of life outside of boot camp. After all, that's my job. Just like it's his job to focus on becoming the best airman he can be...without worrying about what's going on at home.

This is harder than I thought it would be.