Week 2 = horrible. Jason was permitted a phone call on Monday (July 4th) which was unexpected and exciting. I have never heard him sound so discouraged and down on himself - being continually yelled at and told that he was a stupid screw-up who would never do anything right sounded like it was getting to him. Also, he had been forced to stay up all night previously writing a 6 page paper. Who expects to have to write papers in boot camp??? So he was running on 2 hrs. of sleep and I knew that was making everything sound worse. Still, I worried excessively about how miserable Jason was, about whether or not I had gotten him in trouble when I (without thinking) wrote a note on the outside of an envelope, about if things would ever improve...we'll see when his next phone call comes...if they let him call this weekend.
I really hate this week. *sigh*
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Week 1
So, we have made it through 0 week and now Week 1 is also drawing to a close...
They said that the trainees would be allowed one 15 minute phone call per week and that it would most likely fall on a Saturday or Sunday, but the times were completely erratic so those of us at home should be available from 6am to midnight both days...just in case. Jason had already made one phone call - the one that was about 3 minutes long where he read the letter that gave me his address. I was desperately hoping that it did not count as his call for the week.
By midnight Sunday I knew it must have. He wasn't going to call. Monday began the official 'Week 1'.
I tried to keep busy. I went to visit the lovely Erin Hodge and Co. Saw an old friend and made a new one. I tried to convince myself -and let others convince me- that Jason didn't really need to hear my voice - he was probably doing just fine without me...
We set up a little swimming pool and let Lucy try it out. She was much more entertained by playing naked on her towel. Thursday I took her to Birkdale Commons to play in the fountain and go to Barnes and Noble to look at all the touch-n-feel books. On the way I almost had to pull over because my eyes were filled with tears. We had made this trip right before Jason left and I sooo wished he was there with us again. On a happy note: We found a Star Wars ABC's board book at B&N.
Thursday night as I tried to put Lucy down (and she refused to cooperate) the phone rang. I looked down and saw Jason's picture on my cell! Hooray! Totally unexpected! I was shaking through the whole conversation and trying not to cry (If I cry I can't talk so that wouldn't be very useful). He sounded pretty rough - said there was lots of yelling but he had managed to not be singled out much. He was staying hydrated, getting used to the eating schedule (waaay different from his old one), getting fast at making his bed with hospital corners, and missing us so much.
Their TI is exceptionally tough and had already assigned them levels of responsibility usually reserved for the 4th week. That will probably end up good once they get the hang of everything, but right now it's causing a lot of stress because added responsibility on top of EVERYTHING being completely new is a LOT to learn and tons of guys are getting yelled at a lot for making mistakes.
Jason is in charge of scheduling for his whole flight, and checking people in and out. Talk about a detail-oriented and stressful job...but he will learn and be great at it I have full confidence in him.
He says he is glad he has Lucy and me as motivation, otherwise he would just want to come home now. I could hear the emotion in his voice when he talked about wishing he could just hold and play with Lucy in person. It broke my heart. I hate being helpless and I have never felt it so strongly. My husband, whom I love with all my heart, is miserable and I can't do a thing for him. He has offered me his shoulder to cry on countless times, and now when he needs me I can't offer anything but a few minutes of my voice and a few letters and pictures. I feel like he's pulling 90% of the load and I'm a cripple. *sigh* but someone has to take care of Lucy and worry about money and bills and selling the house...which is important too.
Friday was my birthday...My 30th. Lucy, Grandbob, Nina, and I went to Outback for dinner. I had steak. I got a new digital camera from my family and had fun trying it out. When we got home there was an edible arrangement and seriously chocolate cake. I bent (broke) my no sugar rule - Since it was my birthday. I was on the verge of being emotional all day, but managed to refrain until I went to bed.
Saturday we went to the mall - Bob and Anita gave me a few gift cards and I had a lot of fun spending them and hitting a big sale at The Children's Place with Anita while Bob walked around the mall with Lucy. Also, my knees decided that running was absolutely out of the question... for the rest of my life (we are talking excruciating pain)...so One day after my 30th birthday I went to Target for new insoles for my shoes, flax seed oil, and glucosamine. That was a bit depressing, but hopefully they help.
Tomorrow is Sunday. The 2nd of 8. Since Jason got to call on Thursday I am not expecting another call this weekend...although I will carry my phone at all times...just in case.
Please God, make time go by faster!
They said that the trainees would be allowed one 15 minute phone call per week and that it would most likely fall on a Saturday or Sunday, but the times were completely erratic so those of us at home should be available from 6am to midnight both days...just in case. Jason had already made one phone call - the one that was about 3 minutes long where he read the letter that gave me his address. I was desperately hoping that it did not count as his call for the week.
By midnight Sunday I knew it must have. He wasn't going to call. Monday began the official 'Week 1'.
I tried to keep busy. I went to visit the lovely Erin Hodge and Co. Saw an old friend and made a new one. I tried to convince myself -and let others convince me- that Jason didn't really need to hear my voice - he was probably doing just fine without me...
We set up a little swimming pool and let Lucy try it out. She was much more entertained by playing naked on her towel. Thursday I took her to Birkdale Commons to play in the fountain and go to Barnes and Noble to look at all the touch-n-feel books. On the way I almost had to pull over because my eyes were filled with tears. We had made this trip right before Jason left and I sooo wished he was there with us again. On a happy note: We found a Star Wars ABC's board book at B&N.
Thursday night as I tried to put Lucy down (and she refused to cooperate) the phone rang. I looked down and saw Jason's picture on my cell! Hooray! Totally unexpected! I was shaking through the whole conversation and trying not to cry (If I cry I can't talk so that wouldn't be very useful). He sounded pretty rough - said there was lots of yelling but he had managed to not be singled out much. He was staying hydrated, getting used to the eating schedule (waaay different from his old one), getting fast at making his bed with hospital corners, and missing us so much.
Their TI is exceptionally tough and had already assigned them levels of responsibility usually reserved for the 4th week. That will probably end up good once they get the hang of everything, but right now it's causing a lot of stress because added responsibility on top of EVERYTHING being completely new is a LOT to learn and tons of guys are getting yelled at a lot for making mistakes.
Jason is in charge of scheduling for his whole flight, and checking people in and out. Talk about a detail-oriented and stressful job...but he will learn and be great at it I have full confidence in him.
He says he is glad he has Lucy and me as motivation, otherwise he would just want to come home now. I could hear the emotion in his voice when he talked about wishing he could just hold and play with Lucy in person. It broke my heart. I hate being helpless and I have never felt it so strongly. My husband, whom I love with all my heart, is miserable and I can't do a thing for him. He has offered me his shoulder to cry on countless times, and now when he needs me I can't offer anything but a few minutes of my voice and a few letters and pictures. I feel like he's pulling 90% of the load and I'm a cripple. *sigh* but someone has to take care of Lucy and worry about money and bills and selling the house...which is important too.
Friday was my birthday...My 30th. Lucy, Grandbob, Nina, and I went to Outback for dinner. I had steak. I got a new digital camera from my family and had fun trying it out. When we got home there was an edible arrangement and seriously chocolate cake. I bent (broke) my no sugar rule - Since it was my birthday. I was on the verge of being emotional all day, but managed to refrain until I went to bed.
Saturday we went to the mall - Bob and Anita gave me a few gift cards and I had a lot of fun spending them and hitting a big sale at The Children's Place with Anita while Bob walked around the mall with Lucy. Also, my knees decided that running was absolutely out of the question... for the rest of my life (we are talking excruciating pain)...so One day after my 30th birthday I went to Target for new insoles for my shoes, flax seed oil, and glucosamine. That was a bit depressing, but hopefully they help.
Tomorrow is Sunday. The 2nd of 8. Since Jason got to call on Thursday I am not expecting another call this weekend...although I will carry my phone at all times...just in case.
Please God, make time go by faster!
Monday, June 27, 2011
0 Week
AF basic training is 8 1/2 weeks long. The first week is called 0 week. It's the shortest, but it may be the hardest - for both the trainees and the families they left behind.
First you get to watch them being sworn in, then you get to say goodbye. Jason didn't drag it out waving and stuff, just a hug and a kiss. As I walked toward the door I turned and saw him walking away toward the back of the building. I waved anyway and wondered where he was going...and if he had something to do or if he just didn't want to get emotional in front of us and everyone else.
Then came the drive home alone, with the baby asleep in the back, and the waiting...waiting for the phone call that tells you he made it, and the one that tells you where to send your letters. Two calls came that night. The first was from the airport saying he had arrived in San Antonio. The second was to say he was being processed and would call later with an address. It was 59 seconds long. He sounded a little rough but he had been up since 5:45am and it was now after 10pm. I prayed they would let him sleep soon. I struggled to stay awake until 1am (midnight his time) but no other calls came that night.
Although I kept a pen and paper in my pocket at all times and the phone practically glued to my hand the magic call with his address didn't come until late afternoon 2 days later. It hardly sounded like Jason - he didn't get to talk, only read a letter that started out "Hello, this is Trainee Adams calling with information on how to contact me. Please find a pen and paper quickly as my training instructor is not a patient man..." It ended with "Do Not Send Packages. Do not send packages. If you send a package my training instructor will be extremely unhappy. Do not send packages. Do not send packages. My training instructors are treating me very well. Love Jason" It sounded like a hostage letter.
I could imagine his TI standing inches from his face as he read. From the slight hesitation in his voice when I asked him to repeat things and when I tried to confirm I had it all down correctly I think he had been told to say nothing other than what was in his letter. I hope I didn't get him in trouble. My first letter was in the mail by 5:00 that evening.
Oddly, this phone call did not make me feel more relaxed. On the contrary it sparked about 4 days of extreme tension and a flood of emotions that I was not expecting. I was excited because he sounded like he was already turning into an airman - it was really happening...something we had been talking about for over a year. I felt guilty because he was there and probably miserable, and being yelled at and forced to run a lot and it was hot...and I wasn't. I was worried that he hated it and regretted the decision... I was filled with anticipation for the end of training-I couldn't wait to see what he'd be like when it was over...or what I'd be like. I was concerned about how his stomach was reacting to the food. I was sure he needed me so why wouldn't his TI let him have a real conversation?
I waited and prayed and never went ANYWHERE without my phone. I wanted the next call so I could actually talk to him and find out how he was REALLY doing. I thought it would come over the weekend. They are supposed to get one 15min. call a week and the last one should NOT have counted...but I guess it did because despite being on pins and needles all weekend - jumping at any electronic sound (or birds for that matter) - No call came.
I was tense. I had a headache. My emotions were so confused I felt like crying for no reason. I couldn't sleep. I decided I could not go through the next 8 weeks in this state. That wouldn't be any good to Jason and it certainly wasn't good for me or Lucy. So I take deep breaths. I write him letters. I sleep with my phone next to my bed. I tell myself he doesn't need to hear my voice as much as I think he does. Whenever I get too anxious I pray...or run.
Today is the first day of "Week 1". Phone calls or not, he made it through 0 week...Week 1 probably won't be much better but hopefully we'll get to talk at the end of it. At least I no longer feel like a spring wound too tight and about to snap. I'll be able to tell him about Lucy crawling, and standing, and falling, and missing him (not that I didn't already put it in a letter). I can ask him a million questions about how he is doing and what he thinks of everything. I can tell him again how proud I am to be his wife and that I know he will do amazing...even if it doesn't feel like it to him right now.
...At least, I will do all that if the next phone call really comes....and if he is really allowed to talk to me. If not, I won't fall apart...I'll just keep praying and running, taking care of Lucy, and other details of life outside of boot camp. After all, that's my job. Just like it's his job to focus on becoming the best airman he can be...without worrying about what's going on at home.
This is harder than I thought it would be.
First you get to watch them being sworn in, then you get to say goodbye. Jason didn't drag it out waving and stuff, just a hug and a kiss. As I walked toward the door I turned and saw him walking away toward the back of the building. I waved anyway and wondered where he was going...and if he had something to do or if he just didn't want to get emotional in front of us and everyone else.
Then came the drive home alone, with the baby asleep in the back, and the waiting...waiting for the phone call that tells you he made it, and the one that tells you where to send your letters. Two calls came that night. The first was from the airport saying he had arrived in San Antonio. The second was to say he was being processed and would call later with an address. It was 59 seconds long. He sounded a little rough but he had been up since 5:45am and it was now after 10pm. I prayed they would let him sleep soon. I struggled to stay awake until 1am (midnight his time) but no other calls came that night.
Although I kept a pen and paper in my pocket at all times and the phone practically glued to my hand the magic call with his address didn't come until late afternoon 2 days later. It hardly sounded like Jason - he didn't get to talk, only read a letter that started out "Hello, this is Trainee Adams calling with information on how to contact me. Please find a pen and paper quickly as my training instructor is not a patient man..." It ended with "Do Not Send Packages. Do not send packages. If you send a package my training instructor will be extremely unhappy. Do not send packages. Do not send packages. My training instructors are treating me very well. Love Jason" It sounded like a hostage letter.
I could imagine his TI standing inches from his face as he read. From the slight hesitation in his voice when I asked him to repeat things and when I tried to confirm I had it all down correctly I think he had been told to say nothing other than what was in his letter. I hope I didn't get him in trouble. My first letter was in the mail by 5:00 that evening.
Oddly, this phone call did not make me feel more relaxed. On the contrary it sparked about 4 days of extreme tension and a flood of emotions that I was not expecting. I was excited because he sounded like he was already turning into an airman - it was really happening...something we had been talking about for over a year. I felt guilty because he was there and probably miserable, and being yelled at and forced to run a lot and it was hot...and I wasn't. I was worried that he hated it and regretted the decision... I was filled with anticipation for the end of training-I couldn't wait to see what he'd be like when it was over...or what I'd be like. I was concerned about how his stomach was reacting to the food. I was sure he needed me so why wouldn't his TI let him have a real conversation?
I waited and prayed and never went ANYWHERE without my phone. I wanted the next call so I could actually talk to him and find out how he was REALLY doing. I thought it would come over the weekend. They are supposed to get one 15min. call a week and the last one should NOT have counted...but I guess it did because despite being on pins and needles all weekend - jumping at any electronic sound (or birds for that matter) - No call came.
I was tense. I had a headache. My emotions were so confused I felt like crying for no reason. I couldn't sleep. I decided I could not go through the next 8 weeks in this state. That wouldn't be any good to Jason and it certainly wasn't good for me or Lucy. So I take deep breaths. I write him letters. I sleep with my phone next to my bed. I tell myself he doesn't need to hear my voice as much as I think he does. Whenever I get too anxious I pray...or run.
Today is the first day of "Week 1". Phone calls or not, he made it through 0 week...Week 1 probably won't be much better but hopefully we'll get to talk at the end of it. At least I no longer feel like a spring wound too tight and about to snap. I'll be able to tell him about Lucy crawling, and standing, and falling, and missing him (not that I didn't already put it in a letter). I can ask him a million questions about how he is doing and what he thinks of everything. I can tell him again how proud I am to be his wife and that I know he will do amazing...even if it doesn't feel like it to him right now.
...At least, I will do all that if the next phone call really comes....and if he is really allowed to talk to me. If not, I won't fall apart...I'll just keep praying and running, taking care of Lucy, and other details of life outside of boot camp. After all, that's my job. Just like it's his job to focus on becoming the best airman he can be...without worrying about what's going on at home.
This is harder than I thought it would be.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Today
Today Lucy crawled on her hands and knees for the first time. She's been army crawling for a month, and after dozens of attempts she finally managed to coordinate her hands and knees without involving her tummy. She went 3 steps (steps? crawls? Scootches?).
Today I alternated running and walking for 30 minutes. It was quite difficult, but not really as close to the near-death experience as I thought it would be. I think my goal of just running for 30 minutes is actually attainable after all. (like my alliteration there?)
Today Jason experienced his first full day of boot camp...in Texas...in late June. I have never prayed so much for one person in one day in my life.
Today Lucy decided that every item in the house (movable or immovable) is there for the sole purpose of helping her stand up and she should try them all. To that end she attempted pulling herself up with the help of a rolling chair, the corner of the dresser, the rocking recliner, the half-empty diaper box, the computer monitor, and the dog. I'm torn between feeling guilty and feeling relieved that she (only) fell and hit her head on the floor twice (once was carpet). Both times she recovered in under a minute so I think it was scary more than anything.
Today I went the whole day without eating processed sugar. I had a killer headache. I don't know if the two things were related.
Today Jason might be able to call me with his address so I can start sending him letters. I hope so. He's only been gone 34 hours but I hate not being able to encourage him in any way.
Today I decided that if we make it to the end of Sept. without any trips to the doctor (other than check-ups) we will be doing awesome. I discovered that Lucy is growing up in jumps not in steps so I need to expect the unbelievable. And I doubted she would try to walk before Jason graduated....but now I'm not so sure.
Today was a big day. And it was only the second one.
Today I alternated running and walking for 30 minutes. It was quite difficult, but not really as close to the near-death experience as I thought it would be. I think my goal of just running for 30 minutes is actually attainable after all. (like my alliteration there?)
Today Jason experienced his first full day of boot camp...in Texas...in late June. I have never prayed so much for one person in one day in my life.
Today Lucy decided that every item in the house (movable or immovable) is there for the sole purpose of helping her stand up and she should try them all. To that end she attempted pulling herself up with the help of a rolling chair, the corner of the dresser, the rocking recliner, the half-empty diaper box, the computer monitor, and the dog. I'm torn between feeling guilty and feeling relieved that she (only) fell and hit her head on the floor twice (once was carpet). Both times she recovered in under a minute so I think it was scary more than anything.
Today I went the whole day without eating processed sugar. I had a killer headache. I don't know if the two things were related.
Today Jason might be able to call me with his address so I can start sending him letters. I hope so. He's only been gone 34 hours but I hate not being able to encourage him in any way.
Today I decided that if we make it to the end of Sept. without any trips to the doctor (other than check-ups) we will be doing awesome. I discovered that Lucy is growing up in jumps not in steps so I need to expect the unbelievable. And I doubted she would try to walk before Jason graduated....but now I'm not so sure.
Today was a big day. And it was only the second one.
Changes...
I haven't written in a while, life has been full of changes over the past month. For those who don't already know, here's a quick update:
- Jason enlisted in the Air Force, scored AMAZING on his ASVAB, and got his number 1 job pick: UAV Sensor Operator. He'll be part of a 3 man team operating an unmanned aircraft. The pilot flies it, Jason operates all the sensors, interprets and relays information to the intelligence officer who decides what to do with said information. It's one of the newest jobs in the AF and one that shouldn't have to deploy since they operate the planes in the middle east from a box in say, New Mexico. He left for basic training yesterday. =(
- Our house in Lewisburg has been for sale for 2 months...no luck. Now it's up for sale or rent and we are hoping for a medical student (or 3).
- Lucy and I are staying in Huntersville, NC for the next 60 days....and we have big plans!
Day 2 of 60...
Jason has only been gone for 23 hours at this point. I am torn between desperately wishing we were together, and excitement over all we are going to accomplish over the next 2 months. It's never fun to be missing your other half, but it can present opportunities. For example, I am taking this opportunity to try and break my addiction to processed sugar (I am seriously addicted... mean like heroin...) which will hopefully kick some weight loss into gear. I am also working really hard to build some better Bible-reading and work-out habits. It's much easier to commit to a schedule for a *short* amount of time with a concrete end date than an indefinite 'New Year's Resolution' life-change-type deal. Those usually burn out in a couple weeks.
I think the motivation of trying to reach a goal while Jason is at boot camp, (putting up with an awful lot of crap for the sake of Lucy and I) will be enough to keep me on track for 2 months...and once you push through that initial difficulty you find yourself on the other side feeling better, looking better, and in the habit of living better (I hope).
So, day 2 of 60...Morning run and Bible reading accomplished. Processed sugar consumption so far = 0
*can't wait for Jason's call letting me know his address so I can write to him! Then I won't have to carry my phone, pen, and paper around constantly (even on a run and to the bathroom!) I'm praying that he is feeling good and not too overwhelmed.
- Jason enlisted in the Air Force, scored AMAZING on his ASVAB, and got his number 1 job pick: UAV Sensor Operator. He'll be part of a 3 man team operating an unmanned aircraft. The pilot flies it, Jason operates all the sensors, interprets and relays information to the intelligence officer who decides what to do with said information. It's one of the newest jobs in the AF and one that shouldn't have to deploy since they operate the planes in the middle east from a box in say, New Mexico. He left for basic training yesterday. =(
- Our house in Lewisburg has been for sale for 2 months...no luck. Now it's up for sale or rent and we are hoping for a medical student (or 3).
- Lucy and I are staying in Huntersville, NC for the next 60 days....and we have big plans!
Day 2 of 60...
Jason has only been gone for 23 hours at this point. I am torn between desperately wishing we were together, and excitement over all we are going to accomplish over the next 2 months. It's never fun to be missing your other half, but it can present opportunities. For example, I am taking this opportunity to try and break my addiction to processed sugar (I am seriously addicted... mean like heroin...) which will hopefully kick some weight loss into gear. I am also working really hard to build some better Bible-reading and work-out habits. It's much easier to commit to a schedule for a *short* amount of time with a concrete end date than an indefinite 'New Year's Resolution' life-change-type deal. Those usually burn out in a couple weeks.
I think the motivation of trying to reach a goal while Jason is at boot camp, (putting up with an awful lot of crap for the sake of Lucy and I) will be enough to keep me on track for 2 months...and once you push through that initial difficulty you find yourself on the other side feeling better, looking better, and in the habit of living better (I hope).
So, day 2 of 60...Morning run and Bible reading accomplished. Processed sugar consumption so far = 0
*can't wait for Jason's call letting me know his address so I can write to him! Then I won't have to carry my phone, pen, and paper around constantly (even on a run and to the bathroom!) I'm praying that he is feeling good and not too overwhelmed.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Three anniversaries...
In honor of our 3rd anniversary, I thought I'd post some pictures from the past few years....
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| Here we are at a party in Raleigh NC (Andy Hayworth's) in 2007 We were dating |
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| You may not believe it from our clothes, but this is January, 2008 ... in Florida...right after Jason asked my dad if he could marry me |
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| Huntersville, NC - May 17th, 2008 - Wedding! |
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| Year one of marriage, living in Lewisburg WV and loving life! |
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| Year two...still living in Lewisburg but visiting New Mexico for Christmas (January 2010) |
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| I may in fact be pregnant in this photo...we just didn't know it yet. |
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| Year three - still in Lewisburg, but getting ready to head out ...and our family has grown! |
It's been a crazy 4 years...We started dating (for the second time)...
got engaged 2 months later, and got married 4 months after that....
Moved to West Virginia and started careers in Theatre...
Bought a house...
Had a baby ...
and three anniversaries...
We'll see what the next 4 years bring. They will start with:
Selling (or renting out) our house
Joining the Air Force...
Surviving Basic Training....
Starting new careers as a UAV sensor operator and a mom...
moving a few times...
Who knows what else?
I'm sure it will be a great adventure though!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Mommy's and Daddy's
There are lots of differences between how mommy's and daddy's interact with their children...
For example, Da likes to do things that make Mom nervous
(and Lucy suspicious)
(There is a picture of Bob doing this same thing with Jason's older brother 30 years ago)
Mom prefers to make Lucy laugh by tickling her, kissing her neck and pretending to eat her fingers or ears.
Da prefers to be a bit more daring.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that he loves Lucy just as much as I do
and would take great damage to himself before letting something happen to her.
Lucy really enjoys being tossed in the air...although she usually keeps an eye on me when Da is doing something crazy. If I look happy (aka: not worried) then she laughs and enjoys herself. If she can't see me or I look really concerned, she tends to get upset.
Afterwards she always gives me this big smile that says
"Mom, did you SEE me??? Did you see what I DID???"
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