A day in the life...

Lucy turned 1 a couple of weeks ago. I've been meaning to write about the experience. Actually that last sentence pretty much sums up the past 6 weeks of my life "I've been meaning to write about that". Oh well. Here is a day in the life of Lucy.

7ish in the morning:
Wake up (for the third or fourth time since going to sleep) and talk to the aquarium in the pack-n-play. When mom comes in excitedly dive into your blankets, then get up as quick as you can to show her how you can turn the light in the aquarium on and off. Ask to be picked up.

During diaper change lay perfectly still and babble angelically...until the diaper is completely off, then immediately flip over and make for the edge of the bed as quickly as possible. Stopping just short of falling to sit and flash mom a huge smile as you wait for her to pull you back to the blanket for a new diaper.

Play with mom's hair and hum while you gulp the liquid portion of breakfast as quickly as possible.

8ish in the morning:
Get out to the rest of the house and get excited about seeing anyone else who is home.

Head straight to the back door and BEG to be let outside (through pointing, clapping, grunting, and trying to reach the door handle)...you may even sign 'please', 'more', 'help', and blow kisses if REALLY desperate.

On a nice day go out on the back porch for second breakfast. Announce (non-verbally) that you want to sit in the stroller and eat off its tray.  Unless you decide you'd rather stand, in which case would mom please put your breakfast on the footrest of the stroller where you can reach it. Refuse to injest anything but cheerios, puffs, and pieces of wood or acorns.

Make mom smile by dancing to the sound of a bird singing. Watch the deer in the backyard.

Get in and out of your little red car. Several times. Want to be pushed in the little red car. Sing the whole time the car is moving...except when honking the horn, turning the key or pushing the lever.

Walk all over the porch. Practice sitting to go down steps. Go down all the steps you can find. Repeat (going up as necessary). Try to cross gravel barefoot. Decide that's not a good idea. Spread some gravel on the steps. Decide that doesn't look too good and quuickly brush it all off. Go find a big rock. Taste it. Bang it on the ground...take it to the chair and bang it on that. Throw it. See an ant. Try to squash it with your finger. Get taken away from the ants by mom. Scream about that.

10ish in the morning:
Go inside (with much wailing and writhing in protest) because after 2 hours mom is getting tired of playing on the back porch (a rather risky location requiring constant supervision).

Take some letters off the refrigerator and put them in the plant by the door. Go in the pantry and try to bite into the coffee containers. See the microwave (which is at eye level) and try to get the door open. Move some shoes around.

Protest when mom announces that it is naptime. Fuss half-heartedly all the way up the stairs  while rubbing eyes and burying face in blanket.

11ish: Fall asleep with hand tangled in mom's hair...or be put in bed to scream for a minute and a half...followed by half an hour of talking before keeling over unconscious.

12ish: Wake up and repeat morning diaper routine. Have lunch. If you are eating out make sure mom orders some form of soup and bread because those are your favorites and pretty much the only thing you will eat...besides puffs and cheerios.

1ish: Go to the park. Go down the slide a lot. Be nervous at first, but after 5 or 6 rides suddenly become very brave. Try to climb up the slide...for 10 minutes at a time (you are very determined) or until mom makes you stop.

Follow other children around and talk to them. Be doted on by 7 year old girls. Try to steal other toddlers' sippy cups and strollers. Charm other moms into sharing their child's puffs with you. Ride the dolphin. Ride the motorcycle. Ride the dolphin again. Chase birds without realizing you are walking/running without anyone's assistance. When you do realize it, immediately crouch down while you decide if it's worth the risk to keep chasing or if you should wave your arms for someone to come rescue you. It's usually more fun to keep going after the birds. Try to immitate all the bad behavior you see. Ignore your sippy cup and instead drink out of Gannan's HUGE cup and straw. Get mad when she finally takes it back. Refuse to wear a hat for more than 5 seconds.

3ish: Go home. Drink all 8 oz of the water in your sippy cup and eat a cracker on the way. Give a passionate speech to your reflection in the monkey-mirror. Fuss. Throw cup over side of carseat. Throw remains of cracker over side of carseat. Fuss. 

 Refuse to take an afternoon nap. After 45 minutes of screaming, fussing, talking, singing, talking, hollering, and playing get really excited when mom comes in exasperated. Play nicely with all the toys that make noise or can be shredded (like your own personal magazine). Bring mom books to read. Practice signing 'more' and turning pages. Identify curious George. Decide you are ready to go back outside to play on the back porch for a while. Repeat morning back porch routine until dinner time.

5ish: Realize you are STARVING to death but do NOT want ANYTHING solid. Or anything out of a cup. Unless it's a chocolate milkshake because you're pretty sure you tried one of those once and it was amazing. Except for the fact that it was cold.

6ish: Dinner. At the end of the prayer throw your hands up in the air for the 'Amen!'. Discover that you have hair on your head. Feel that for a few minutes. Smash all your food with your finger. If you can't poke a hole in it, it's not worth tasting. Want what's on everyone else's plate...until it touches your tray.

Drop foods you don't want over the side for the dog...except there is no dog. Eat some puffs and cheerios...and maybe a yogurt melt or two. Wave around a fork with a piece of melon on it. Slurp on the melon for a few minutes. Drop fork over the side. When the conversation gets boring squint your eyes at people and pretend to laugh. this usually makes them start laughing. Then they make faces at you. And funny noises.  Dinner is much more entertaining when they do that. Decide you have had enough of this and attempt to sweep the remaining food off your tray and onto the floor. Sign "finished". Get down and go on a scavenger hunt for lost food. Eat anything you find on the floor.

7ish: Bedtime. Want mom to be the one to hold you ALL day. Until she says it's bedtime. Then you want Da. Or Gannan. Or Bucket. Or anyone else who happens to be there and might be able to save you from Jammies. Fuss over getting ready for bed. You didn't have an afternoon nap after all. Fall asleep after nursing for 5 minutes.

8ish: Wake up because you are still hungry. Eat for another 20 minutes and go back to bed. Participate in some mild protest but give it up pretty quickly. Your blankets are nice and soft as it turns out.

Week 6, 7, and 8

Yes, I am soooo behind! So here's the reader's digest version:

Week 6: Slow, but not quite as slow as week 5 because now all of my stuff has to be sorted and packed for 1) a 4 day trip to Banner Elk. 2) a 4 day trip to Texas. 3) a 3 week trip to New Mexico and 4) a 5 week trip to Texas. Basically 2 months of stuff, that can fit in my car (with a carseat and a jogger) separated into easy-to-access bags for the shorter portions of my trip and 2 suitcases with 5 weeks worth of stuff to take on the airplane...Whew!

Week 7: Trip to Banner Elk!!! Lots of fun up in the mountains hanging out with best buhds I haven't seen in YEARS!!! (well, I hadn't seen most of them in years...) ..and getting to introduce Lucy to my friends before moving out west with her. Great way to spend week 7 and keep my mind off the fact that it is ALMOST time to go see my AMAZING husband graduate from boot camp!

Week 8: Mom flies into Charlotte from NM just to drive my car to Texas for me (so Lucy doesn't have to make the 21 hour drive) because she's completely AWESOME! Car gets packed and leaves. Anita and I hit the nail salon to get special pre-graduation pedicures...and then IT'S TIME TO GO!!!!!

Graduation: Lucy did awesome on the plane rides. Jason looked incredible in his uniform. I am so so so proud of him! It was one of the best 3-day weekends I've ever had. We just hung around, visited the river walk in San Antonio, and enjoyed each other's company. It was fabulous. I only got emotional once...Sunday...our last day together before he went to Tech school and I went to NM for a few weeks. At least this time we can talk on the phone for a little while every night...and we can skype.

Hopefully time will fly until we are all together again.

I know I can't wait.

Week 5

Chocolate chip cookies are kryptonite.

Making it to the halfway point is great! A huge accomplishment. A huge distance to have come. A huge relief...until the week after when you realize you still have 4 whole weeks to go and your weight loss plan has stalled...then time slows down...and you are happy things are going so well at boot camp but you find yourself losing your own motivation and wanting to skip exercise to eat chocolate and ice cream. ...and time slows down...so you make a list of things you need to do before you see him again.

...And the list becomes longer and longer until by the end of week 5 you realize you have less than 20 days left (2/3 of the way there!) and so much to do... and you hope time will return to it's original speed as you start checking things off and helping time keep moving forward.

So eventually day one of week 6 has rolled around and I have acquired an ID card and Tricare coverage as well as visitor passes to get everyone on base for graduation...and it seems like we might just make it after all.

Also, Lucy has learned to climb stairs and thinks it is the greatest adventure ever.

Week 4

Week 4 = stress overload --> Huge relief

Sunday was a pretty good day, Lucy and I went to church and later that evening to a church ice cream social. We mainly went because the house was empty and lonesome and I was getting super-stressed about the lack of response in all of our house advertising. It was at the house of a couple of church ladies (who have a beautiful back yard and patio - perfect for ice cream socials!) and they had made 5 (yes 5) different kinds of homemade ice cream along with cookies, lemon bars, cherry cheesecake bars and other sweet goodies. Since it would have been rude not to eat ANYTHING (& since EVERYTHING there was pure sugar) I tried little scoops of 2 different kinds of ice cream - they were delicious, but actually gave me a tummy ache (or that could have been the 30 minutes of running Lucy around after Noah - her 3 year old buddy- after eating said ice cream...but at least I worked it off!)

Monday I called Sondra back. She had been interested in renting but couldn't afford our mortgage. I asked her if she would like to come look at the house because we would be willing to lower the price to her range. (We figured better to lose $50/month on the house than $800/month!). She did and loved it and wanted to rent. I was pretty enthusiastic too, but after she left I started having 2nd thoughts. Single mom, 2 kids, 1 on the way, steady job, but no savings and no bank account...I wasn't sure I should take the risk, as much as I wanted to get the house rented and help her out...and I had to make the decision on my own. I might have binged on diet root beer and hyperventilated a little. If we were going to make a bad decision I would MUCH rather it was only HALF my fault. Seriously missing my husband!!!

I put together a very thorough lease and prayed that if she wasn't the renter for us that God would make it really clear to her that she couldn't handle the lease agreement.

Tuesday she brought her mom to show her the house and I felt much better. Her mom and dad were retired Air Force with enough money and sense to help her out if she needs it. We went over the lease - she was good with everything so we signed, she handed over the security deposit, I had an extra key made and viola! Rented house!

Wednesday Lucy and I headed back to Charlotte. Much relieved!

The rest of the week was filled with getting back into the workout routine I abandoned while in WV, being thankful I didn't have to worry about the house anymore, calling various companies and cancelling things, switching things over, following up on things...general admin-type stuff related to running and renting a house, visiting with friends, battling a headache, taking care of Lucy, and NOT worrying about the house!

At one point we got to have a very short (official-type)conversation with Jason when he needed some info for his security clearance. That was fun. Now we have made it to our 5th sunday (of 8!) and are SOOO excited that there are only 3 Sundays left!

Waiting for our weekly phone call - hoping it's tonight!

Week 3

Week 3 = much better! (but eventful, so this is a kind of long post)

The sermon Sunday was about anxiety and worry...and not doing them. He had some really good quotes, two of them I found particularly applicable were "worry is just down payment on a problem you may never have" and "Worry does not rid tomorrow of it's sorrow, it robs today of it's strength" (that one might be paraphrased a bit)....and of course there were the Bible verses about not being anxious about anything...and God clothing the lilies and the sparrows, how much more does he love you? ...Yeah, a pretty convicting sermon after last week. The one really helpful bit was about how worship is sort of the antidote to worry - when worship goes up, worry comes down. So I tried it...dusting off old praise and worship songs I barely remembered from high school. It seemed to be helping.

Then Jason called!

It was the first positive-sounding call I've gotten from him! ...and it turned out all my worrying really was for nothing because he actually had a pretty good week and even got a compliment from his Training Instructor! Hooray!!! I immediately felt about 40 lbs lighter and lost the desire to curl up on the couch with a soft blanket and giant blizzard, so Lucy and I went for a happy walk.

He asked for prayer because week 3 was supposed to be hell week (although I couldn't imagine it being worse than the first 2 weeks)! I asked for prayer too because I was headed to WV with Lucy to have another open house and try (desperately) to get a renter or buyer before August.

Wednesday:
We headed North. It was a pretty good trip - only about 15 minutes of serious crying (on Lucy's part, not mine) out of the 4 hr drive. We went straight to postnet, printed flyers, went downtown, walked all over trying to find places to put them up (me carrying Lucy since she wasn't interested in a stroller after all that driving), then headed for walmart to pick up some dinner stuff and the storage units to get the air mattress, some bedding, and the microwave out.

Bugs!
By the time we got to the storage units I was pretty exhausted and Lucy was getting hungry and ready to move around on her own. The first unit we opened had the air mattress right there - Hooray. Covered in spiderwebs and at least 2 dozen tiny baby (black) spiders - Yuck!. Too small to tell if they're black widows....I get the air mattress (because the prospect of sleeping on just the floor all week is really unappealing) but decide against the bedding - what if that's full of spiders too? On to the second storage unit for the microwave (which is also right in front)...but as I try to get it I am attacked by wasps. I ran away. I did not scream...although by this time Lucy was. Apparently the wasps had built a nest in the track of our door so when I moved it they got very upset. Eventually I got the microwave, got the door shut and locked and we headed home (no stings, thankfully). Home was nice - but it smelled like an empty house. I killed a few small spiders trying to make homes in the corners...and about 5 large ants in the kitchen...every time I went in there! I must have killed almost 50 by the end of the week. We even had ant traps...and I had swept, mopped, and cloroxed everything before we left. What's the deal? THEN I brought in our 2 open house signs from last time to update the dates on them. A couple of giant (over an inch long) earwigs crawled out of the insides and headed for Lucy. I scooped her up and whacked at them with my shoe. She laughed hysterically. Finally it was bedtime. I decided to brave the air mattress after examining it VERY carefully for baby spiders and finding none.

Thursday: Fumes
Among other things that day, I rented a carpet shampoo-er from Lowes and did the carpets...while holding Lucy who was terrified of the noise unless she was in my arms. That was a workout. When I was done Lucy and I left the house for several hours so it could air out. Apparently it wasn't long enough. We came back at bedtime and it was still pretty strong but what were we going to do? I got Lucy ready for bed and started feeding her. After we had been in the house about 45 minutes she stopped eating and  became very lethargic, unresponsive, limp, and a little twitchy (like when she's dreaming, but her eyes were wide open and would follow my hand in front of her face...barely)...very scary. After a few minutes I decided it had to be the fumes and took her outside. She revived in a little bit and spit up all over me (rare for her these days). I was kind of freaking out. What were we going to do if we couldn't stay in the house? We had 0 money, no internet, and no phone numbers...and it was after 8:30 by that point. Mom and Dad called and when they heard about Lucy they insisted we go to a hotel for 2 nights - on them. I threw together our stuff, packed up the pack-n-play and loaded Lucy in the car. We tried the Holiday Inn: no room. The Hampton Inn: no room. The Quality Inn: no room. The Fairfield Inn: no room. It's a small town and I was starting to have an inkling of how Mary must have felt in Bethleham... (and poor Lu was being a trooper, being dragged in and out of carseat and hotel after hotel.) Finally we tried the Super 8 motel. There were 3 rooms available and none of them were smoking, hooray! by that time it was well after 9 so I got Lucy down and crashed myself.

Friday:
A room opened up at the Fairfield for tonight. We checked in at 3 (MUCH nicer room) I took a shower, let Lucy play in the bathtub and got ready for our first open house. No one came. We did have one person call but the rent was too expensive and she couldn't afford it. Jason got paid which was Super exciting. We went back to the hotel and I looked forward to a good night's sleep...Lucy had other plans and woke up (apparently starving) 6 times between 8:30pm and 7:00am. *sigh* so much for the awesome comfy bed!

Saturday:
2nd open house. Fumes were pretty much gone so we shouldn't have any more trouble sleeping there. Lucy and I wait and wait and wait...no one comes. Pretty depressing....BUT...

 Jason calls!!! Yay!!! Another good week for him. Thank you God!!! (better than mine, actually from the sound of it). We discuss renting the house for less than the mortgage because having to pay $50-$60/month is better than having to pay $800/month. If no one comes or calls I'll call the lady from yesterday back and see if she'd be interested in a lower price.

Conclusion:
The diet pretty much went out the window. I've been living off of cheerios, bananas, lean cuisine, and peanut butter cookies. Oops. I missed Jason more this week than I've ever missed him. I mean, I always miss him when he's not around, but for the most part, I'm pretty good at handling life alone with Lucy. This week life would have been infinitely easier with another pair of hands (particularly a pair of hands that didn't mind bugs) and a shoulder to lean on...and another body so I didn't have to get Lu in and out of her carseat at every 5 min. stop. I thought I was doing terriblly at the whole independent military wife thing, until I realized that I handled it all. I didn't cry (although I wanted to) I didn't scream (although I came close)...and I wasn't graceful about everything (but really, who cares?). We did it. We made it through the week without falling apart. Jason is doing well and I am sooo proud of him. ....and I soooooo appreciate him and soooo miss him.

We'll see how week 4 goes...and if I am successful with the house.

Week 2

Week 2 = horrible. Jason was permitted a phone call on Monday (July 4th) which was unexpected and exciting. I have never heard him sound so discouraged and down on himself - being continually yelled at and told that he was a stupid screw-up who would never do anything right sounded like it was getting to him. Also, he had been forced to stay up all night previously writing a 6 page paper. Who expects to have to write papers in boot camp??? So he was running on 2 hrs. of sleep and I knew that was making everything sound worse. Still, I worried excessively about how miserable Jason was, about whether or not I had gotten him in trouble when I (without thinking) wrote a note on the outside of an envelope, about if things would ever improve...we'll see when his next phone call comes...if they let him call this weekend.

I really hate this week. *sigh*

Week 1

So, we have made it through 0 week and now Week 1 is also drawing to a close...

They said that the trainees would be allowed one 15 minute phone call per week and that it would most likely fall on a Saturday or Sunday, but the times were completely erratic so those of us at home should be available from 6am to midnight both days...just in case. Jason had already made one phone call - the one that was about 3 minutes long where he read the letter that gave me his address. I was desperately hoping that it did not count as his call for the week.

By midnight Sunday I knew it must have. He wasn't going to call. Monday began the official 'Week 1'.

I tried to keep busy. I went to visit the lovely Erin Hodge and Co. Saw an old friend and made a new one. I tried to  convince myself -and let others convince me- that Jason didn't really need to hear my voice - he was probably doing just fine without me...

We set up a little swimming pool and let Lucy try it out. She was much more entertained by playing naked on her towel. Thursday I took her to Birkdale Commons to play in the fountain and go to Barnes and Noble to look at all the touch-n-feel books. On the way I almost had to pull over because my eyes were filled with tears. We had made this trip right before Jason left and I sooo wished he was there with us again. On a happy note: We found a Star Wars ABC's board book at B&N.

Thursday night as I tried to put Lucy down (and she refused to cooperate) the phone rang. I looked down and saw Jason's picture on my cell! Hooray! Totally unexpected! I was shaking through the whole conversation and trying not to cry (If I cry I can't talk so that wouldn't be very useful). He sounded pretty rough - said there was lots of yelling but he had managed to not be singled out much. He was staying hydrated, getting used to the eating schedule (waaay different from his old one), getting fast at making his bed with hospital corners, and missing us so much.

Their TI is exceptionally tough and had already assigned them levels of responsibility usually reserved for the 4th week. That will probably end up good once they get the hang of everything, but right now it's causing a lot of stress because added responsibility on top of EVERYTHING being completely new is a LOT to learn and tons of guys are getting yelled at a lot for making mistakes.

Jason is in charge of scheduling for his whole flight, and checking people in and out. Talk about a detail-oriented and stressful job...but he will learn and be great at it I have full confidence in him.

He says he is glad he has Lucy and me as motivation, otherwise he would just want to come home now. I could hear the emotion in his voice when he talked about wishing he could just hold and play with Lucy in person. It broke my heart. I hate being helpless and I have never felt it so strongly. My husband, whom I love with all my heart, is miserable and I can't do a thing for him. He has offered me his shoulder to cry on countless times, and now when he needs me I can't offer anything but a few minutes of my voice and a few letters and pictures. I feel like he's pulling 90% of the load and I'm a cripple. *sigh* but someone has to take care of Lucy and worry about money and bills and selling the house...which is important too.

Friday was my birthday...My 30th. Lucy, Grandbob, Nina, and I went to Outback for dinner. I had steak. I got a new digital camera from my family and had fun trying it out. When we got home there was an edible arrangement and seriously chocolate cake. I bent (broke) my no sugar rule - Since it was my birthday. I was on the verge of being emotional all day, but managed to refrain until I went to bed.

Saturday we went to the mall - Bob and Anita gave me a few gift cards and I had a lot of fun spending them and hitting a big sale at The Children's Place with Anita while Bob walked around the mall with Lucy. Also, my knees decided that running was absolutely out of the question... for the rest of my life (we are talking excruciating pain)...so One day after my 30th birthday I went to Target for new insoles for my shoes, flax seed oil, and glucosamine. That was a bit depressing, but hopefully they help.

Tomorrow is Sunday. The 2nd of 8. Since Jason got to call on Thursday I am not expecting another call this weekend...although I will carry my phone at all times...just in case.

Please God, make time go by faster!

0 Week

AF basic training is 8 1/2 weeks long. The first week is called 0 week. It's the shortest, but it may be the hardest - for both the trainees and the families they left behind.

First you get to watch them being sworn in, then you get to say goodbye. Jason didn't drag it out waving and stuff, just a hug and a kiss. As I walked toward the door I turned and saw him walking away toward the back of the building. I waved anyway and wondered where he was going...and if he had something to do or if he just didn't want to get emotional in front of us and everyone else.

Then came the drive home alone, with the baby asleep in the back, and the waiting...waiting for the phone call that tells you he made it, and the one that tells you where to send your letters. Two calls came that night. The first was from the airport saying he had arrived in San Antonio. The second was to say he was being processed and would call later with an address. It was 59 seconds long. He sounded a little rough but he had been up since 5:45am and it was now after 10pm. I prayed they would let him sleep soon. I struggled to stay awake until 1am (midnight his time) but no other calls came that night.

Although I kept a pen and paper in my pocket at all times and the phone practically glued to my hand the magic call with his address didn't come until late afternoon 2 days later. It hardly sounded like Jason - he didn't get to talk, only read a letter that started out "Hello, this is Trainee Adams calling with information on how to contact me. Please find a pen and paper quickly as my training instructor is not a patient man..." It ended with "Do Not Send Packages. Do not send packages. If you send a package my training instructor will be extremely unhappy. Do not send packages. Do not send packages. My training instructors are treating me very well. Love Jason" It sounded like a hostage letter.

I could imagine his TI standing inches from his face as he read. From the slight hesitation in his voice when I asked him to repeat things and when I tried to confirm I had it all down correctly I think he had been told to say nothing other than what was in his letter. I hope I didn't get him in trouble. My first letter was in the mail by 5:00 that evening.

Oddly, this phone call did not make me feel more relaxed. On the contrary it sparked about 4 days of extreme tension and a flood of emotions that I was not expecting. I was excited because he sounded like he was already turning into an airman - it was really happening...something we had been talking about for over a year. I felt guilty because he was there and probably miserable, and being yelled at and forced to run a lot and it was hot...and I wasn't. I was worried that he hated it and regretted the decision... I was filled with anticipation for the end of training-I couldn't wait to see what he'd be like when it was over...or what I'd be like. I was concerned about how his stomach was reacting to the food. I was sure he needed me so why wouldn't his TI let him have a real conversation?

I waited and prayed and never went ANYWHERE without my phone. I wanted the next call so I could actually talk to him and find out how he was REALLY doing. I thought it would come over the weekend. They are supposed to get one 15min. call a week and the last one should NOT have counted...but I guess it did because despite being on pins and needles all weekend - jumping at any electronic sound (or birds for that matter) - No call came.

I was tense. I had a headache. My emotions were so confused I felt like crying for no reason. I couldn't sleep. I decided I could not go through the next 8 weeks in this state. That wouldn't be any good to Jason and it certainly wasn't good for me or Lucy. So I take deep breaths. I write him letters. I sleep with my phone next to my bed. I tell myself he doesn't need to hear my voice as much as I think he does. Whenever I get too anxious I pray...or run.

Today is the first day of "Week 1". Phone calls or not, he made it through 0 week...Week 1 probably won't be much better but hopefully we'll get to talk at the end of it. At least I no longer feel like a spring wound too tight and about to snap. I'll be able to tell him about Lucy crawling, and standing, and falling, and missing him (not that I didn't already put it in a letter). I can ask him a million questions about how he is doing and what he thinks of everything. I can tell him again how proud I am to be his wife and that I know he will do amazing...even if it doesn't feel like it to him right now.

...At least, I will do all that if the next phone call really comes....and if he is really allowed to talk to me. If not, I won't fall apart...I'll just keep praying and running, taking care of Lucy, and other details of life outside of boot camp. After all, that's my job. Just like it's his job to focus on becoming the best airman he can be...without worrying about what's going on at home.

This is harder than I thought it would be.

Today

Today Lucy crawled on her hands and knees for the first time. She's been army crawling for a month, and after dozens of attempts she finally managed to coordinate her hands and knees without involving her tummy. She went 3 steps (steps? crawls? Scootches?).

Today I alternated running and walking for 30 minutes. It was quite difficult, but not really as close to the near-death experience as I thought it would be. I think my goal of just running for 30 minutes is actually attainable after all. (like my alliteration there?)

Today Jason experienced his first full day of boot camp...in Texas...in late June. I have never prayed so much for  one person in one day in my life.

Today Lucy decided that every item in the house (movable or immovable) is there for the sole purpose of helping her stand up and she should try them all. To that end she attempted pulling herself up with the help of a rolling chair, the corner of the dresser, the rocking recliner, the half-empty diaper box, the computer monitor, and the dog. I'm torn between feeling guilty and feeling relieved that she (only) fell and hit her head on the floor twice (once was carpet). Both times she recovered in under a minute so I think it was scary more than anything.

Today I went the whole day without eating processed sugar. I had a killer headache. I don't know if the two things were related.

Today Jason might be able to call me with his address so I can start sending him letters. I hope so. He's only been gone 34 hours but I hate not being able to encourage him in any way.

Today I decided that if we make it to the end of Sept. without any trips to the doctor (other than check-ups) we will be doing awesome. I discovered that Lucy is growing up in jumps not in steps so I need to expect the unbelievable. And I doubted she would try to walk before Jason graduated....but now I'm not so sure.

Today was a big day. And it was only the second one.

Changes...

I haven't written in a while, life has been full of changes over the past month. For those who don't already know, here's a quick update:

- Jason enlisted in the Air Force, scored AMAZING on his ASVAB, and got his number 1 job pick: UAV Sensor Operator. He'll be part of a 3 man team operating an unmanned aircraft. The pilot flies it, Jason operates all the sensors, interprets and relays information to the intelligence officer who decides what to do with said information. It's one of the newest jobs in the AF and one that shouldn't have to deploy since they operate the planes in the middle east from a box in say, New Mexico. He left for basic training yesterday. =(

- Our house in Lewisburg has been for sale for 2 months...no luck. Now it's up for sale or rent and we are hoping for a medical student (or 3).

- Lucy and I are staying in Huntersville, NC for the next 60 days....and we have big plans!

Day 2 of 60...

Jason has only been gone for 23 hours at this point. I am torn between desperately wishing we were together, and excitement over all we are going to accomplish over the next 2 months. It's never fun to be missing your other half, but it can present opportunities. For example, I am taking this opportunity to try and break my addiction to processed sugar (I am seriously addicted... mean like heroin...) which will hopefully kick some weight loss into gear. I am also working really hard to build some better Bible-reading and work-out habits. It's much easier to commit to a schedule for a *short* amount of time with a concrete end date than an indefinite 'New Year's Resolution' life-change-type deal. Those usually burn out in a couple weeks.

I think the motivation of trying to reach a goal while Jason is at boot camp, (putting up with an awful lot of crap for the sake of Lucy and I) will be enough to keep me on track for 2 months...and once you push through that initial difficulty you find yourself on the other side feeling better, looking better, and in the habit of living better (I hope).

So, day 2 of 60...Morning run and Bible reading accomplished. Processed sugar consumption so far = 0

*can't wait for Jason's call letting me know his address so I can write to him! Then I won't have to carry my phone, pen, and paper around constantly (even on a run and to the bathroom!)  I'm praying that he is feeling good and not too overwhelmed.

Three anniversaries...

In honor of our 3rd anniversary, I thought I'd post some pictures from the past few years....

Here we are at a party in Raleigh NC (Andy Hayworth's) in 2007
We were dating

You may not believe it from our clothes, but this is January, 2008 ...
in Florida...right after Jason asked my dad if he could marry me

Huntersville, NC - May 17th, 2008 - Wedding!

Year one of marriage, living in Lewisburg WV and loving life!

Year two...still living in Lewisburg but visiting New Mexico for Christmas
(January 2010)

I may in fact be pregnant in this photo...we just didn't know it yet. 

Year three - still in Lewisburg, but getting ready to head out
...and our family has grown!

It's been a crazy 4 years...We started dating (for the second time)...

 got engaged 2 months later, and got married 4 months after that....

Moved to West Virginia and started careers in Theatre...

Bought a house...

Had a baby ...

and three anniversaries...

We'll see what the next 4 years bring. They will start with:

Selling (or renting out) our house

Joining the Air Force...

Surviving Basic Training....

Starting new careers as a UAV sensor operator and a mom...

moving a few times...

Who knows what else? 

I'm sure it will be a great adventure though!

Mommy's and Daddy's

There are lots of differences between how mommy's and daddy's interact with their children...

For example, Da likes to do things that make Mom nervous 

(and Lucy suspicious)

(There is a picture of Bob doing this same thing with Jason's older brother 30 years ago)

Mom prefers to make Lucy laugh by tickling her, kissing her neck and pretending to eat her fingers or ears.

Da prefers to be a bit more daring.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that he loves Lucy just as much as I do 

and would take great damage to himself before letting something happen to her. 

Lucy really enjoys being tossed in the air...although she usually keeps an eye on me when Da is doing something crazy. If I look happy (aka: not worried) then she laughs and enjoys herself. If she can't see me or I look really concerned, she tends to get upset. 

Afterwards she always gives me this big smile that says 

"Mom, did you SEE me??? Did you see what I DID???"

First trip without Da!

Lucy and I have officially made our first trip without Jason. I'm sure there will be many more to come, but the first one is always a bit of an adventure. We haven't gone too far - we are in Charlotte hanging out for a few days while Jason fills the house with toxic fumes while re-finishing our bathtub. The trip usually takes about 3 1/2 hours...or 4 if there's any traffic at all. It took Lucy and I 4 hours and 45 minutes, which isn't too horrible. It was a little adventurous.
- Lucy started out like a champ, sleeping the first hour and a half!
- I had to figure out how to use a public restroom that had no place to put a baby (since we are no longer using the removable car seat)
- We drove through a rainstorm that had me using the windshield wipers on high and driving 40 mph...and still BARELY being able to see the lines on the road right in front of me
- Lucy decided during just about the only 20-30 mile stretch of NO WHERE to stop that she was done being in the car and started to fuss, then cry, then scream until we finally saw a McDonalds to stop at
- After all that exertion, Lucy went to sleep about 20 minutes after leaving McDonalds and slept the rest of the way!

We made it! Fun with friends to follow =) ....and in a few days, the trip back!

Greg's Lentil Stew of Tastiness

When Greg and Ryan were visiting last weekend, they cooked dinner one night (and helped me cook the other night, they are very pleasant house guests). On the menu was steamed kale and Greg's Lentil Stew of Tastiness. I had never had lentils. I was not entirely sure what lentils were. I had some vague suspicion that they grew in water and were kind of tendril-y. I formed this opinion based entirely on how the name sounded to me and the tone in people's voices when they talked about cooking them. I have held onto it for at least 15 years now, never having been curious enough about them to actually look up 'lentils'.

Well, I was waaaaay off. (although I do give credit to my imagination on the weird and vivid imagery it initially came up with)

Lentils are a small bean-like substance rather resembling split peas. Except lentils are cuter. and they make a VERY tasty stew...and are surprisingly healthy. Since Greg shared the recipe with me, I'm assuming he doesn't mind if I, in turn, share it with you =)

Lentil Stew of Tastiness
Olive oil
4 cups of broth or water (he used vegetable, but chicken would work too)
1/2 onion, diced
2-3 cloves garlic, minced
2-3 carrots (I vote for 3-5 carrots), sliced
1 lb lentils
1 can diced or crushed tomatoes
Thyme
1 bay leaf
crushed red pepper
cumin

Sautee' onion, garlic, and carrots in a little bit of olive oil until onions are transparent.
Add thyme, crushed red pepper and some cumin...it's kind of a however much you think you'd like sort of measurement
Sautee a bit longer and add lentils, bay leaf, and broth (or water)
Cover and simmer for about an hour or until broth is absorbed
Add tomatoes, stir and simmer for a few more minutes.
Taste and adjust seasonings if needed.
Then "nom nom nom!"

Goes well with rice, bread, quinoa, or just a mug and spoon. Leftovers are excellent as well!

All in all, I'm rather glad lentils aren't a slimy, tendril-y underwater plant! ...and I read an article today that said they were one of the top 10 foods to mush up and feed your baby, so there you go!

Back on the Wagon

Interestingly the days following the chocolate festival were full of sugar cravings. Those are particularly hard to ignore when the baby is fussy and the husband is working 19 hour days. But today I decided no more giving in! I have even been successful. It wasn't a sugarless day, but it was void of candy, ice cream, and hot chocolate so I think that's a good start. Anyway, back to where I left off: New Recipes to post! These are some good ones coming up today! Let's start with desert. (I should preface this with a note that I was halving the recipe...and forgot halfway through, so my proportions were a bit off and the cinnamon and nutmeg were a bit strong, but it was still delicious! it tastes like Christmas)

Wild Apple Crunch
6 apples, peeled and sliced
3/4 Cup chopped walnuts (I vote for an even 1cup since that's how they are sold in the baking aisle...and I like walnuts)
8 dates chopped (or approx. 1/2 cup)
1 cup currants or raisins
3/4 cup water (I vote for an even 1 cup here too)
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
juice of 1 orange

Preheat oven to 375
Combine all ingredients except orange juice. Place in baking dish and drizzle orange juice over top
cover and bake at 375 for 1 hr. or until all ingredients are soft, stirring occasionally. (it's fine if you don't stir...at least, mine was!)

*can also be simmered in a covered pot on the stove for 30 min.*

I think it would also be good cooked uncovered with granola sprinkled on top for extra crunch, but I haven't tried it.

Southwestern Chicken
1 cup salsa (low sodium)
1 cup black beans
1 cup corn
2 TBS fresh chopped cilantro
2 skinless, boneless chicken breasts

Preheat oven to 350
Mix salsa, beans, corn, and cilantro together
put 1/2 mixture over chicken and marinade for at least 1 hr.
bake chicken 30 min or until cooked through
slice chicken breasts and top with remaining salsa mixture

It's very good like this, but we also tried a variation that I think is even better! I guess you could call it more of a southwestern chicken salad.

Variation
2 cups salsa (or 1 small jar)
1 can black beans, rinsed
2 cups corn
1 or 2 avocados, chopped
4 TBS cilantro (optional)
2 chicken breasts, boiled and shredded (optional)
brown rice, cooked
whole grain tostitos chips (optional)

Mix the salsa, beans, corn, avocado, and cilantro & chill
serve over brown rice topped with shredded chicken. Extra delicious if eaten with whole grain scoops. This may be my favorite recipe so far...

Spaghetti Squash Primavera
1 medium Spaghetti Squash
1 1/2 carrots sliced
1/2 cup celery, sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 1/2 cup cabbage, shredded
1 small zucchini, chopped
1 can pinto beans, drained (low sodium)
1 can chopped tomatoes, drained (low sodium)
1/3 cup apple juice
1 tsp. dried thyme
1 tsp. dried parsley
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1 cup pasta sauce
1 head romaine lettuce (optional)

Preheat oven to 350
Slice squash in half lengthwise; remove seeds. Place both halves upside down on baking sheet. Bake for 45 min.

Meanwhile, cook carrots and celery in 2 TBS water (umm....1/4 cup or so is better, or the water cooks off too fast and the veggies burn) in a covered pan over medium heat for 10 min. stirring occasionally.

Add a little more water if needed. Add garlic, cabbage, and zucchini and cook, covered, for another 10 min. Stir in remaining ingredients except for pasta sauce. Cover and simmer 10 more min. or until carrots are tender.

When squash is done, remove from oven and, using a fork, scrape spaghetti-like strands from squash and into bowl (this is amazing). Add pasta sauce and mix well.

Mix veggies, beans, and herbs with squash/pasta sauce mixture and serve on bed of shredded romaine leaves if desired.

Ok, so it doesn't actually look that good, but it is.

*When this was cooking I didn't think I'd like it, I thought it smelled odd, but it was actually very good. Possibly a little oregano and basil could improve it further...and maybe some Parmesan sprinkled lightly on top*

We interrupt this program.....for the Chocolate Festival!

I know I've been sharing about a journey toward health lately, but today I detour in the name of chocolate.

There are several things I will miss about Lewisburg, West Virginia when we leave (trying to get health insurance is NOT one of them). I'll miss the beautiful summer and fall, the mountains, the green space downtown, the bakeries, knowing people in all the shops, aaaaand: THE CHOCOLATE FESTIVAL! Every town should have a chocolate festival once a year. Ours was this past Saturday.

I was looking forward to walking around downtown with Lucy on Saturday and sampling different chocolate tasties, but I was kind of sad about having to do it by myself since Jason was (and still is) madly working on a show that opens this Friday and wouldn't really be able to come. Then, happy coincidence!

Our friends Ryan and Greg (NY and NC respectively) apparently decided to have an existentialist crisis, sell all their possessions, quit their jobs, and take the Great American Road Trip. Go them! Sounds like fun to me...well, not with a baby....which - I'm guessing - is why they're doing this now. Anyway, thanks to some cold weather and lack of cold weather gear, said friends ended up at our house late Friday night! Saturday was spent at the chocolate festival. Pictures of us will come when Ryan e-mails them to me, since he was the only one who thought to bring a camera.

Most Unique:
- Amazonia Dark Chocolate Truffle with Vermont Creamery Goat Cheese and Italian Citrus (very odd, kind of spicy)
- White Chocolate Fennel Bisque with Orange Salt (it was SOUP! Soooo good! Didn't really taste chocolaty, just had a hint of sweetness...and who knew they made orange salt?)

Basic chocolate tastiness: 
- Flourless chocolate mousse
- Espresso Brownie
- Mini Chocolate lava muffin with espresso sauce (very light and not too coffee-ish)

Absolute Amazingness: 
- Amy's thoughtful rich chocolate cake (oh my goodness, soooo rich, 3 bites was plenty!)

There was also the chocolate bake-off where you could sample various chocolate concoctions not made by professionals. I don't remember everything we tried, I think we got around 10 or 12 samples between the 4 of us (Jason joined us for an hour at lunch) and we all tried all the samples. My favorite was the chocolate cake with pumpkin spice frosting (except is wasn't exactly a frosting). I didn't think I'd much care for chocolate and pumpkin spice together, but it was amazing.

Not bad for a Saturday. I think we spent about $18 between the 4 of us, sampled around 20 different kinds of chocolate, and walked around downtown (and visited a couple cemeteries and one mass grave) for 4 1/2 hours. Plus getting to visit with old friends! (on a side note, while we were standing around with our variety of bake-off goodies, who should call but Campbell University....asking for money)

Sunday morning the boys went rock climbing (Jason included!), then Jason went to work and Ryan and Greg cooked dinner (what nice guys!). Monday the road trip continued and I'm back to square one, trying to un-addict myself from sugar.

But it only comes once a year and it was SO worth it! =) Besides, when else do you see the mayor walking around dressed as Willy Wonka?

Success in the kitchen!

For the past couple of weeks I have been reading Eat For Health by Dr. Fuhrman (more on that later) and trying some of his recipes. The first couple  were not really what I would call successes - for instance 'Tomato Tornado Soup' looked like it would be really good, but we could barely eat one serving, giving it an overall rating of 2 stars...It has potential and could be really good...I think...but currently I'm not sure how. If I figure it out, I will post a modified recipe. This week, however, has had several successes and I thought I would post some recipes in case you are looking for some good healthy dinner (or desert)  ideas yourself! Sorry, I haven't taken pictures of anything, hopefully I will remember next time! So this post isn't too long, I will start with the vegetarian dishes, then do the meat and desert dishes in the next post.

Baked Potato Fries
2lbs Yukon Gold or Sweet Potatoes (I used Yukon Gold)
4 cloves fresh garlic or 2 tsp garlic powder (I used garlic powder, but next time I'd like to try fresh or minced)   
1 TBS Olive Oil                     
2tsp onion powder
no salt herb seasoning (I used Mrs. Dash table seasoning)

Peel potatoes if not organic and cut into strips (mine weren't organic, but I just washed them)
Mix remaining ingredients and toss with potatoes
bake for 30-45min at 350 until lightly golden and tender (I think I did 45)

***these were quite tasty and sodium-free....at least until I dipped mine in a little bit of ketchup =) I'd like to try it with sweet potatoes and see how different they would taste. When you are making them they smell like they will be really strongly-flavored, but they were actually very mild. 

Black Bean Lettuce Bundles
2cups canned black beans (no salt)
1/2 large avocado, mashed (or 1 small avocado)
1/2 green bell pepper, chopped
3 scallions, chopped (grocery store didn't have scallions, so I just left them out)
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro (also missing from the grocery store and my bundles, but I'll bet it would
have added nice flavor)
2 TBS lime juice (could be b/c I was missing a few ingredients, but I thought 2 TBS was a little much)
1tsp cumin
1 clove garlic, minced
1/3cup mild salsa (low sodium)
8 large romaine lettuce leaves

Mash beans and avocado together
mix in all other ingredients except lettuce (I threw everything in a food processor, worked great)
place approx. 1/4 cup of filling in center of lettuce and roll like a tortilla

***I think it would be even better, although more calories, to get a whole wheat tortilla, spread a couple leaves of lettuce over it, cover lettuce with filling and roll the whole thing together. It would make it a little more filling too.

Quinoa Bean Salad
*this is better made the day before so all the flavors have time to blend*
2cups cooked quinoa (I used red, but I don't think it matters)
1 15oz can white beans, drained
1cup carrots
1 cup currants (I used raisins)
1/2cup walnuts, chopped
2 small tomatoes, chopped
1 small red onion, thinly sliced (I don't like raw onion too much, so I used 1/3-1/2 an onion and chopped it up with everything else. It gave just a hint of onion flavor...and made me need gum afterwards!)
1/2 green pepper, chopped   
1/2 red pepper, chopped         
1/2 orange or yellow pepper, chopped (I used both b/c they came in a package)
3 cloves garlic, minced (I used 2, but in retrospect I don't think 3 would be overpowering)
1TBS chili powder
2tsp low sodium soy sauce or Bragg's Liquid Aminos
1/2 cup goji berries (optional) (What is a goji berry anyway?)

Cook quinoa according to package directions
place other ingredients in large bowl and mix
add quinoa and toss

***.5 - I put all the veggies in a food processor, which worked great, but if you like bigger, chunkier veggies, that may not be your best option. I really liked this recipe - It makes enough for 6 people easily, so be prepared, but the leftovers taste just as good !

California Creamed Kale - I fully expected to not like this recipe, but it was shockingly tasty!

2 bunches Kale, leaves removed from stems and chopped or shredded
1 cup raw cashews (all we could find were salted, so I soaked them for about an hour and rinsed them before use - it seemed to work pretty well) 
1 cup soy milk
4 TBS onion flakes (good, but I might try 3TBS next time)
1TBS Dr. Fuhrman's VegiZest (optional) (I left it out since it's not something you can get at walmart)

Place Kale in large steamer pot - steam 10-20 min until soft (I think I did 30...oops!)
Meanwhile, place remaining ingredients in high powered blender and blend until smooth
(Note: sauce can be used with broccoli, spinach, or other steamed veggies)
Place Kale in colander and press with a clean dish towel to remove excess water
Coarsely chop and mix kale with cream sauce.

***.5 - This was very tasty, although it got cold quickly and it's definitely better warm! I was a little short of 2 bunches of kale and may go buy some more tomorrow to add it to my leftovers since there seems to be a lot of cream sauce. I love the lightly cashew flavor! Also, it looks like you will be steaming a TON of kale, but it actually shrinks a lot...and turns kind of a gross greenish-brown color, but don't worry, it tastes good!

So there you have it - my early forays into the world of healthier eating! (...and in case you were curious, over the past several weeks between working out (sporadically) and increasing my veggie intake I have finally broken through the barrier and lost my first 5lbs!!! YAY!!!!)

A Picture of Parenthood

I've been meaning to write about Lucy's Valentine's Day painting for a while  now, but kept getting distracted by other stuff...so here it is: A picture of parenthood in one painting.

On Valentine's Day Lucy was 3 months and 3 weeks old. I decided that a painting by Lucy would be a great present for Jason. Conveniently for us, Valentine's was on a weekday so he was at work, leaving Lu and I free to shop for supplies and do some art. Since it was going to be her first painting I wanted it to last forever so I got an 8"x10" canvas board and some acrylic paint (which I did manage to keep out of her mouth but not off our legs and clothes).

I had a brilliant idea for a picture.
                                                           I thought...

We got green paint so I could paint Lucy's toes and do little toe prints across the bottom of the picture for grass. Then I would fingerpaint a stem and use 2 little Lucy-footprints for leaves.

We got orange paint so I could let her dip her hands in it and (with my help and guidance) make a circle of handprints at the top of the stem for a beautiful orange flower. ...we might even mix in a little yellow to make it even prettier!

Of course we got yellow paint because what is a picture of a flower without the sun shining down on it? Some nice yellow handprints radiating from the top corner of the picture should do nicely....

It didn't turn out how I planned. I gave her the tools, but the picture is all hers (well, I did fingerpaint the writing for her).

She looks pretty proud of herself and I guess this is a pretty good illustration of how life is as a parent. You can make plans but in the end....well, you know!

Food Sources

We are rapidly approaching the end of an era (several of them actually, but that's another story). The days when I was Lucy's sole source of food are coming to a close and with that comes a whole new set of parental decisions that need to be made. It's a big thing being responsible for the health of your child...making sure they eat right...trying to develop healthy tastes and habits...knowing that although your parents tried to feed you a nutritious diet you still struggle with an addiction to processed food and sugar...and chocolate...hoping your child won't have quite the battle you do....

 In trying to decide how we are going to feed Lucy my first decision was to do some research.

To that end we purchased Disease-Proof Your Child: Feeding Kids Right by Dr. Fuhrman. It is a fascinating book and I recommend it to all parents (especially if you have a child who suffers from chronic illnesses such as ear infections and colds). There is a lot of research and scientific information but it isn't too difficult of a read, and I confess I sort of skimmed over some of the technical-sounding stuff. Still, It made a big difference in how I view children's diets so I'd like to share a few of the high points and surprising statistics with you here:

- In the typical American diet children get about 2% of their calories from fruits and veggies.
- About 25% of American toddlers eat 0 fruits & veggies.
- By 15 months of age, french fries are the most common vegetable consumed in America.
- Kids don't have to be sick all the time (we only think they do because most are). If they are getting enough nutrients their bodies can resist most illnesses.
- Poor nutrition is linked to practically all health problems, from allergies to ADHD to eczema.
- Consumption of saturated fat (found in milk, cheese, & animal products etc) has a shockingly high correlation with heart disease, cancer, and high cholesterol
-antibiotics kill good bacteria along with bad bacteria making it more likely for children to get sick repeatedly once they've been prescribed...especially evident in the treatment and recurrence of ear infections
- Cow's milk is both deficient in iron and it bonds with iron so it is the most common cause of anemia in infants and young children
- One 60 year study of about 5,000 people found that those who consumed more fruit in their childhood (highest quartile) were 38% less likely to develop cancer as adults
- Dietary influence on Breast and Prostate Cancer Risk is vastly higher under age 10 (as in over 500% higher) than it is at age 25 and beyond

I can't come close to doing it justice - there is a lot more information in the book which is often accentuated with charts that show relationships far more effectively than my single-sentence blurbs. Suffice it to say that thanks to this book I am questioning the marketing "information" that says we should feed our young children cow's milk, cheese, fruit snacks, fruit drinks, and other processed foods. Now I just have to figure out a good balance so my child(ren) can eat primarily high-nutrient diets and be healthy without feeling completely left out, weird, or awkward around others.

We have to figure it out for ourselves too because parenthood is all about setting examples! Coming up next: Eat for Health....learning how to modify your diet without going crazy or giving up all your favorite foods =)

Mirrors (repost)

Last year I spent a lot of time looking at myself in mirrors, staring at my growing belly in awe and trying to see if it was moving; if it was lopsided, if it had any odd lumps, anything that would point to the fact that I really was growing a real live person in there. In the last 4 months, I have spent very little time looking at myself in mirrors. There's the quick glance in the morning to see if my hair is looking ridiculous before throwing it into a half-ponytail, bandanna, hat, or some other quick-fix, and there's the part before I change Lucy's diaper where I hold her up to the mirror over the changing table so she can look at herself and me before smiling and burying her face in my neck (not sure why...maybe mirrors make her nose itch).

It distresses me to look any more than that. All I can see are the imperfections, especially the tummy that is still very soft and round, and the hair that I have yet to figure out how to style...even after 26 years of having it! I don't like conventional mirrors. 

My favorite mirrors are much better than those shiny glass things. I see myself in my baby girl, which is funny because I don't think she looks like me. When I go in to get her in the morning and her face lights up, I feel beautiful because I see her joy. When I'm in bed at night and realize my hand is over my eyes or feel some other expression on my face, I don't picture my face but hers, because she does the same things. When Lucy and I are in the bathroom, I don't notice any of my own imperfections because my eyes are focused on her reflection and to me she is perfect.

Lucy is a great mirror. But the best mirror is my husband. He's the one who makes me feel truly beautiful. If I had never seen an image of myself and had only him as my reflection I would think I must be a super-model. He's the one who whistled at me when I was nine months pregnant and felt HUGE, who comes into the kitchen and wraps his arms around me so I am overwhelmed with his love, who looks at me like I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and he couldn't bear to lose me. My husband transforms the way I see myself until I think 'who needs those shiny things anyway'. I love him for that and a million other things. 

Still...although mirrors are overrated and Jason loves me the way I am, I want to be the best I can be for my family and that means staying (or getting) healthy and fit. So. New Year's Resolution that I made this week: lose the rest of the baby weight (maybe 30 lbs...optimistically), get in shape by my 30th birthday (July 1st) (aka: be able to run at least 2 miles without dying, do a couple of pull-ups and generally not feel like I'm 50 and falling apart), and read the whole Bible by January(actually Jason and I are doing this together and we're off to a good start - 8 days so far without falling off the wagon!). We may love each other for who we are and be happy with ourselves, but I think we should always strive for excellence.

In the last few months how I look has become a little less important, and being able to take care of and have fun with my family has become more important... so here's to 2011, finding balance in life, growing closer to God, and seeing my reflection in the greatest mirrors on earth every day.

Weekends!

I love weekends. I especially love them when Jason gets to stay home. I particularly love them when Jason gets to stay home and  we have visitors. Both weekends connected to this week qualify! Lucy turns 6 months old tomorrow (Wednesday) so it's kind of appropriate to have visitors bookending this week.

Last weekend Jason's parents (Nina and Grandbob) and younger brother (Uncle Aaron) came to visit.

Friday was beautiful so we met Jason for a late lunch in the park then had bakery pizza that evening. I was a little bit stressed because since Lucy learned how to roll from her back to her tummy she has forgotten how to go to sleep...and sleepy, teethy babies tend to be cranky babies, but what can you do? I think that's what car rides are for.

Saturday we were out and about most of the day and Lucy did fabulously! We hit the toy store, Stella's (the new restaurant in town) Lowe's, and Wal-Mart before heading home for naptime. Then, while I fed Lucy (and held her while she napped to ensure some sleep on her part) Nina and Grandbob cooked dinner! It was wonderful! Speaking of dinner, in celebration of Lucy's new milestones she got to try 'real' food for the first time. Sweet Potatoes!

This weekend my dad (Props) gets to come visit! Unfortunately tax season has mom trapped in NM but hopefully she'll be able to make it out soon.



 On the agenda? Fun, grandbaby bonding, and weather permitting - help with a few yard projects! =) ...and of course, reading some stories!

How Healthy....?

With the stall on losing baby weight and a baby I want to be able to take great care of, I've been thinking a lot about making some healthier lifestyle choices. The big question with doing this is precisely how healthy I want to be. At first glance it seems like a no-brainer: as healthy as possible, but to me (with my talent for over-analyzing) it is a bit more complicated than that. When it comes to working out, it's easy to set goals. If I get in a good 20-30 min workout 6 days a week, I feel fabulous...and not just proud of myself, I really feel a LOT better physically than I do if I don't work out at all. So naturally my goal is to work out every day...or almost every day. Some days though, the laundry or the dishes are just too overwhelming so I sacrifice my work-out for my sanity and that's ok, I'm slowly getting better at balancing it all. But the really the hard part is food.

I LOVE to eat. I love steak. I love lasagna. I love love love chocolate. If there are chocolate chip cookies in the house I consider myself to be showing great restraint if I only eat 5...before dinner. I'm not that crazy about vegetables. I prefer to eat bread...and oreos...and granola bars...and cereal that's fortified with extra vitamins and minerals...and all of these things I love are, by and large, NOT good for my body. I want to fix this...mostly.

I haven't read the book Eat to Live. I want to...but quite frankly, I'm terrified of it. I'm afraid I won't be able to make all the changes I need to in order to be really healthy - to be the best mother and wife I can - and that I will subsequently spend a lot of my time feeling guilty; which I don't need. I am also not sure I want to eat only to live. (I don't want to live to eat either) I think there is great joy in cooking, eating, and sharing something that tastes absolutely amazing. Although I have found some very tasty vegetarian dishes, not one has measured up to steak, manicotti, or chocolate chip cookies.

So...for now, here's my plan:

1.  make green smoothies. They are delicious and I don't mind loading them up with Kale or spinach. At least I'm getting more fruits and veggies than I was! (probably a 150% increase with one drink)

2. search for and try meals that have little or no meat and lots of veggies. Save and repeat the ones we like.

3. Break my addiction to processed sugar/foods (ok, I'm actually still working up to this one. It's the most daunting of them all and will probably require a couple months of something drastic)

4. Focus on helping Lucy learn to eat right by feeding her a variety of fruits and veggies and avoiding processed sugar as much as possible.

That's it for now. Hopefully in the next several months I will be able to report that I am no longer addicted to sugar, that at least 5 meals a week consist primarily of veggies, and that my extra weight is melting away as Jason, Lucy and I eat healthy and get plenty of exercise. Maybe I will also be able to report that I have read something by Dr. Fuhrman. Maybe. We'll see!

Memories

There are few things more wonderful than looking down at the perfectly content face of the baby girl who thinks you are the whole world and who does not want to be anywhere else but in your arms. I spend a lot of time looking at that face...she is a very extensive eater. The other day as I stared at her I thought how sad it was that she will retain no memory of time that I will cherish forever. I suppose the important part is that she will grow up with my love imprinted on her. Still, I thought, it's almost tragic.

Then I imagined my own mother doing the same for me. Something I have had no memory of up to this point. At that moment, I felt like I was transported back in time. Suddenly, I could see my mom sitting in a rocking chair holding me. I could see that same expression of contentment on my face. It was as if I was looking through her eyes, feeling what she must have felt 29 years ago. I don't have any memories of my infancy, but in becoming a mother myself I can share in the memories of my mom and everything takes on much more meaning.

Gazing into Lucy's eyes I wonder if someday she will have a daughter of her own and 'remember' the joy of this moment with me.

Milestones: 8 weeks (repost)

I have now been a mother for 8 weeks...which astonishes me. Can time have flown by that quickly? It seems like we just brought Lucy home from the hospital, just had her first check-up, just took her downtown to introduce her to people...and already she's 8 weeks old, nearly 2 months. The funny thing is how many milestones we've reached since she was born. And how our lives had very few milestones before she was born.  For example: Before Lucy milestones: Dating, getting engaged, moving to a new state, getting a new job, buying a house, getting married, getting pregnant, paying something off....all pretty big things that didn't exactly happen several times a week.  Now... After Lucy milestones: Sleeping 2 hours, getting the hang of nursing, sleeping 3 hours, losing the umbilical cord, getting a nap, Lucy's first bath, sleeping 4 hours, Lucy's first obviously-on-purpose smile, getting Lucy to take a nap in her crib for the first time, sleeping 5 hours...etc. It seems like something big happens nearly every day! Making it to 2 weeks was big because that's when things stopped hurting so much and sleep started to come in slightly larger chunks so I could enjoy parent hood more.  Making it to 4 weeks was big because, hey! That's one month! Making it to 6 weeks was really big because that's when they are safe to travel on airplanes and pretty much any other way, and the US government says they are a grown-up baby and don't need their mom full-time anymore, so mom should go back to work now and put the baby in daycare. (Thankfully we are able to ignore that last one for the time being) Now at 8 weeks I can't believe the change I've seen in Lucy just in the past 7 days. It is truly mind-boggling to me. She has greeted both Jason and I with a I'm-really-happy-to-see-you good morning smile She slept for an 8 hour stretch two nights in a row! (mom didn't, but Lucy doing it was a start!) She laughed at mom's funny voice she woke up at 6 in the morning and put herself back to sleep until 7:30, then entertained herself until 8:00 She stayed awake through several car rides she watches our faces as we talk and moves her mouth like she's trying to figure it out herself She has discovered her voice and started practicing with it, 'talking' to toys, pictures, and people...which is pretty much the cutest thing ever.  All of this in just the past week! I can't believe how big of a deal everything has become since she came along. I guess I never imagined watching someone grow and change so quickly. I'm not ready to parent a teenager, but I feel like we'll be there in a couple of heartbeats.  Someone slow down time please!!!!